Living in Limbo: How I’m taking care of myself during a difficult time

Last week, I shared some difficult things that I’m dealing with right now. My beloved dog Benji is very ill and nearing the end of his life, and it’s been brutal. I’ll be honest with you: Some days, I can barely get out of bed.

But I am determined to find a path to heal, a way to help myself while living in this awful limbo, enjoying my time with Benji while also coming to terms with his upcoming death. We don’t know how long he will be with us, or how long I’m going to feel this excruciating pain of impending loss.

Here’s what is helping me get through the days:

• Good grooming: I make a point to shower and get dressed instead of staying in my cozy PJs. I also style my hair and apply some make-up. I need to look and feel somewhat put-together, so I can look in the mirror and see something other than my own sad eyes staring back at me.

• Journaling: I’ve resurrected the fine art of journaling and mind mapping. I have a copy of The Five Minute Journal, a place to jot down things I’m grateful for. It also includes prompts for the daily affirmations that I desperately need right now. Every day, I push myself to fill in the following blanks:

Morning:

• I am grateful for…
• What would make today great?
• Daily affirmations. I am …

Evening:

• 3 amazing things that happened today
• How could I have made today even better?

• Self-care: I’m focusing on the basics – EAT, SLEEP, MOVE, BREATHE – that have formed the backbone of my business and my quest for a healthy life. I help other people find solace in their busy days, and I’m finding strength in my own teachings now!

• Healthy eating: I’m cooking healthy, pescatarian and vegetarian dinners with my daughter. And I’m treating myself to the occasional glass of wine.

• Exercise: I dusted off my Peloton, which I haven’t used in two years. Right after I bought it, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis, and since cycling is not bone-building exercise I preferred to power/pole walk outside instead.

But now, instead of serving as a handy clothing rack, I kick-start my day with the Discover Your Power Zones cycling workout, a daily, five-week instructor-led performance-based program. It’s giving me structure and helping me move outside my comfort zone. I augment the 30-minute cycling session with strength-training exercises afterwards. I’m determined to strengthen my body and my mind.

• Sleep hygiene: Since I dragged a mattress downstairs so that I could sleep by Benji’s side in the living room, it’s become harder to sleep because there are no curtains. I now sleep with an eye mask to block out light.

• Pause: I’m making time to meditate, breathe and focus on my mantra so I can manifest a positive life and path forward.

• Sing: I’m finding joy through singing. This duet with my dog, Benji made my heart sing, too. The song Kanfei Ruach, means "wings of spirit": I sing it regularly to help me find the strength within, my inner spirit, to fly.

• Social connection: I’m socializing strategically. I keep my circle of communication to a small group of positive people. I surround myself with kind, empathetic, compassionate friends who uplift me.

• Read: I’m doing lots of reading. I read a book a week, mostly personal growth and positive psychology books. I especially enjoy Brené Brown, who helps me with emotional literacy.

• Laugh: Although I’m not much of a TV watcher, I do occasionally watch reruns of hilarious sitcoms like Seinfeld, Friends, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Schitt’s Creek. It’s so important to integrate humor and laughter into our days.

I will get through this painful time, one baby step in front of the other. In the meantime, tell me what works for you when you’re dealing with illness, death or other difficulties. 

Stay well,

PS: Get on my COACHING WAIT LIST so you can learn how to explore new options, directions and creative space for yourself in 2023. The coaching program includes access to Byte-Size Wellness Academy.

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